I don't know what the problem has been these last few months, but it has been a terrifically horrible semester. I haven't been able to stay focused or motivated to do anything. I am currently taking a zoology/ecology class with a lab that makes me memorize so many different species that I want to scream. I sit in lab frowning and groaning over every freaking microscope slide that I have to review and my classmates are practically dancing around and french kissing each other. No one wants to complain with me about how shitty this class has been, which makes it even harder for me to get through. I always find that one person who wants to be negative and silly with me usually, but I am trapped with a bunch of biology nerds that can find no fault with how ridiculous it is that we have to learn hundreds of species. I want to hit all of them upside the head and while their hair is flung up in the air, I want to yell into their ears, "SHUT UP"! Whoa, I went to a dark place. Can you see how frustrating this class has been for me?
So many things about my life have had to take a back seat to my classes. The fridge looks like an archaeology dig for ancient cottage cheese containers and old leftovers. Scientists are amazed at the level of preservation for a lifestyle that once was. My bathrooms look clean somewhat, but don't lift up the toilet seats for heaven's sake!! I am trying but I am tired and worn out. That phrase is simply scratching the surface of how I feel. I called my mother a few weeks back wanting some insight and advice on how to feel better and unfortunately the only response I got from her was that being an adult sucks. She had no phrases that could take away this unease. Honestly, she didn't really try. I think she has had one too many a night wondering what all of this is for. It's hard for her to be empathetic after she has raised nine children. My mother is better for car and home repair advice anyway.
I will say on a positive note that the semester only has about 4 weeks left. The cloud of hatred is slowly lifting because I know that I am almost done with this class forever. My kids are getting cuter and cuter. Perhaps it is the level of dependency that is making it easier for me. Ani Rose is potty trained and Judah had his training wheels taken off of his bike. The journey of babies has come to a close for me. A phase of life I was more than willing to unload. Don't get me wrong, I love babies and when I see a mother nursing, I think about walking up to her and asking if I could take a turn nursing her young child as well. I miss it and I don't at the same time. It is hard work, which is why I would rather watch from a distance. Older kids are more my style anyway. They laugh at my jokes and I can impress them with my childish burps and zerberts. Perhaps I need to evaluate why I like burping because I really do. A LOT!
A few weeks ago I was contemplating why my butt has grown so much. What a wonder I thought, there has been no change to my dietary habits that would cause this problem. WRONG! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I drink a lot of calories. Juices, soda, iced coffees were often on the menu for me on a daily basis. So I decided that I was going to cut them out. I still drink diet soda and I don't care how much literature you send my way, diet Dr. Pepper is a gift from the gods. I did however make the choice to stop drinking coffee in the morning. Usually I would load up on the creamer and sugar every morning and have more than one cup as well. I would also purchase coffee from Starbucks and those suckers are at least 500 a piece. I stopped cold turkey and I am actually glad that I did. My mornings were filled with a sugar rush, which made me end up eating more throughout the day. I have even lost 4 pounds to show for it. Yes I know, 4 pounds worth of calorie drinks. So I would toss a piece of advice you way and tell you to avoid drinks with a lot of calories. They really add up fast. The last thing I need in my day is more calories. I bet you could say the same for yourself as well.
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