Today was a homework day. I actually really enjoy these days on campus because there aren't any real timelines and I can just focus on what I need to get done. All of the other days I am rushing between classes and racing to beat the clock in order to be home on time to pick Judah up from preschool. I think this is the reason for my stress levels this semester. I am on campus four days a week and between driving to school from Meridian and then going to work every other week, I simply live in my car for some of my days. Boise drivers are polite, in fact too polite. They will break on a green to let others merge. It is nice when I am on the receiving end of such niceties, but when I am following behind a person who feels so inclined to be neighborly, I get angry. The commute from my home is filled with all of those drivers and sometimes I hate being polite and would rather just get there.
Today I needed to get my test from my accounting teacher She said to come up to her office during her scheduled hours. After my studying I picked my ever increasingly heavy backpack and trudged in the rain to the business building. I have never been up to her office and so I thought, "hey it's on the third floor, I'll take the stairs for some quick cardio". Bad idea; the stairs were much taller and longer than I had anticipated and when I passed floor two, I secretly hoped that she had picked up and moved all of her stuff onto that floor just for me. By the time I made it to the third floor, I could feel my heart beat in my ears. I felt like I couldn't get any air into my lungs and wanted to collapse onto the carpet. I was trying to control my breath because there was a professor hanging out in his office and was staring at me. I didn't want him to hear me sucking in air like an industrial fan. Instead of collapsing, I opted for leaning against the wall and pretending as if I wasn't scared of dying. My journey to the third floor was not met with reward because she didn't show. I guess I shouldn't complain too much about it. But then again, I like complaining.
I came home after class to find a different kind of reward left behind by my dog. It wasn't gold or silver, and in fact it wasn't a metal at all, it was shit and a lot of it. Oh there is nothing like the smell of dog crap to really enlighten the mind and invoke positive thinking. I am considering putting that luscious smell into a yankee candle. I did however get on the treadmill today in spite of my bad luck. It was one of those days that the treadmill and my feet were in a tight friendship. I was able to walk/jog 3 miles and I am really proud of that. Judah came in part of the way through and he was impressed by the level of sweat accumulating on my back. It was good to let him see me running. That is what a parent should be showing their child. Unlike the view of me scarfing down 4 Oreos yesterday. Good thing I waited until he was in bed to commit my crime.
Monday, November 9, 2015
Friday, November 6, 2015
Can't I have just a little peace and quiet?
I don't know what the problem has been these last few months, but it has been a terrifically horrible semester. I haven't been able to stay focused or motivated to do anything. I am currently taking a zoology/ecology class with a lab that makes me memorize so many different species that I want to scream. I sit in lab frowning and groaning over every freaking microscope slide that I have to review and my classmates are practically dancing around and french kissing each other. No one wants to complain with me about how shitty this class has been, which makes it even harder for me to get through. I always find that one person who wants to be negative and silly with me usually, but I am trapped with a bunch of biology nerds that can find no fault with how ridiculous it is that we have to learn hundreds of species. I want to hit all of them upside the head and while their hair is flung up in the air, I want to yell into their ears, "SHUT UP"! Whoa, I went to a dark place. Can you see how frustrating this class has been for me?
So many things about my life have had to take a back seat to my classes. The fridge looks like an archaeology dig for ancient cottage cheese containers and old leftovers. Scientists are amazed at the level of preservation for a lifestyle that once was. My bathrooms look clean somewhat, but don't lift up the toilet seats for heaven's sake!! I am trying but I am tired and worn out. That phrase is simply scratching the surface of how I feel. I called my mother a few weeks back wanting some insight and advice on how to feel better and unfortunately the only response I got from her was that being an adult sucks. She had no phrases that could take away this unease. Honestly, she didn't really try. I think she has had one too many a night wondering what all of this is for. It's hard for her to be empathetic after she has raised nine children. My mother is better for car and home repair advice anyway.
I will say on a positive note that the semester only has about 4 weeks left. The cloud of hatred is slowly lifting because I know that I am almost done with this class forever. My kids are getting cuter and cuter. Perhaps it is the level of dependency that is making it easier for me. Ani Rose is potty trained and Judah had his training wheels taken off of his bike. The journey of babies has come to a close for me. A phase of life I was more than willing to unload. Don't get me wrong, I love babies and when I see a mother nursing, I think about walking up to her and asking if I could take a turn nursing her young child as well. I miss it and I don't at the same time. It is hard work, which is why I would rather watch from a distance. Older kids are more my style anyway. They laugh at my jokes and I can impress them with my childish burps and zerberts. Perhaps I need to evaluate why I like burping because I really do. A LOT!
A few weeks ago I was contemplating why my butt has grown so much. What a wonder I thought, there has been no change to my dietary habits that would cause this problem. WRONG! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I drink a lot of calories. Juices, soda, iced coffees were often on the menu for me on a daily basis. So I decided that I was going to cut them out. I still drink diet soda and I don't care how much literature you send my way, diet Dr. Pepper is a gift from the gods. I did however make the choice to stop drinking coffee in the morning. Usually I would load up on the creamer and sugar every morning and have more than one cup as well. I would also purchase coffee from Starbucks and those suckers are at least 500 a piece. I stopped cold turkey and I am actually glad that I did. My mornings were filled with a sugar rush, which made me end up eating more throughout the day. I have even lost 4 pounds to show for it. Yes I know, 4 pounds worth of calorie drinks. So I would toss a piece of advice you way and tell you to avoid drinks with a lot of calories. They really add up fast. The last thing I need in my day is more calories. I bet you could say the same for yourself as well.
So many things about my life have had to take a back seat to my classes. The fridge looks like an archaeology dig for ancient cottage cheese containers and old leftovers. Scientists are amazed at the level of preservation for a lifestyle that once was. My bathrooms look clean somewhat, but don't lift up the toilet seats for heaven's sake!! I am trying but I am tired and worn out. That phrase is simply scratching the surface of how I feel. I called my mother a few weeks back wanting some insight and advice on how to feel better and unfortunately the only response I got from her was that being an adult sucks. She had no phrases that could take away this unease. Honestly, she didn't really try. I think she has had one too many a night wondering what all of this is for. It's hard for her to be empathetic after she has raised nine children. My mother is better for car and home repair advice anyway.
I will say on a positive note that the semester only has about 4 weeks left. The cloud of hatred is slowly lifting because I know that I am almost done with this class forever. My kids are getting cuter and cuter. Perhaps it is the level of dependency that is making it easier for me. Ani Rose is potty trained and Judah had his training wheels taken off of his bike. The journey of babies has come to a close for me. A phase of life I was more than willing to unload. Don't get me wrong, I love babies and when I see a mother nursing, I think about walking up to her and asking if I could take a turn nursing her young child as well. I miss it and I don't at the same time. It is hard work, which is why I would rather watch from a distance. Older kids are more my style anyway. They laugh at my jokes and I can impress them with my childish burps and zerberts. Perhaps I need to evaluate why I like burping because I really do. A LOT!
A few weeks ago I was contemplating why my butt has grown so much. What a wonder I thought, there has been no change to my dietary habits that would cause this problem. WRONG! The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I drink a lot of calories. Juices, soda, iced coffees were often on the menu for me on a daily basis. So I decided that I was going to cut them out. I still drink diet soda and I don't care how much literature you send my way, diet Dr. Pepper is a gift from the gods. I did however make the choice to stop drinking coffee in the morning. Usually I would load up on the creamer and sugar every morning and have more than one cup as well. I would also purchase coffee from Starbucks and those suckers are at least 500 a piece. I stopped cold turkey and I am actually glad that I did. My mornings were filled with a sugar rush, which made me end up eating more throughout the day. I have even lost 4 pounds to show for it. Yes I know, 4 pounds worth of calorie drinks. So I would toss a piece of advice you way and tell you to avoid drinks with a lot of calories. They really add up fast. The last thing I need in my day is more calories. I bet you could say the same for yourself as well.
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